Answers to Your Questions: Getting Over Divorce
Q: Despite a good beginning, my marriage didn’t work out and some months back it ended in divorce. I can hardly bear the loneliness of coming home to an empty apartment day after day. My thoughts wander to events of the past, and I feel such pain. How can I get over this?
A: Divorce can be a heartbreaking and devastating experience. What you dreamed of and worked toward and sacrificed for has ended badly, and you’re left with only hurt and disappointment.
But there is hope of future happiness, and it is found in the true saying, “God will mend a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces.” He understands the pain, the feelings of being misunderstood and treated unfairly, and the temptation to become bitter. Take your aching heart to Him in prayer. He can take away the bad memories, the bitterness, the anger, and the despair. It will take time, but all of these bad feelings can be healed by His love.
He can give you peace of mind and a renewed interest in life. All is not lost. Where there is life, there is hope. You can love again, and you can be loved again in return. Turn to Him and let Him help you let go of the disappointing past so you can move on to a brighter future.
You may be brokenhearted now, but think of it as training in love. If you’ll let this brokenness make you better instead of bitter, you’ll grow in love for and understanding of others.
God’s Word says, “A broken and a contrite heart—these, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17), and “Thus says the High and Lofty One who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones'” (Isaiah 57:15).
So take heart. Jesus will put you back together again in the way He knows best if you’ll put yourself in His hands. He will fashion a sweeter, more loving, more understanding you, so that even this heartbreak will work together for your good.
On the practical side, you may like to try the following:
- Ask God to help you to accept what has happened. Don’t keep holding on to the past.
- When hit with thoughts of regret, immediately put them out of your mind.
- Focus on the present and don’t fret about the future.
- Doing something for someone else is a great way to forget your own troubles!
- Write down what you learned from the relationship. Put into words your own mistakes as well as what you will try to avoid in your next relationship. Save the list for the future, but don’t keep reviewing it if it just reminds you of your past mistakes.
- Spend time with your family and friends.
- Make new friends.
- Take up a new hobby or learn something new. Make a plan to accomplish something you’ve never done before.
- Every day, no matter how down you may feel, write down something that you are thankful for.
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